JO. B. CREATIVE!: THAT GAL IS ALWAYS IN MY HEAD, DAMMIT!!

THAT GAL IS ALWAYS IN MY HEAD, DAMMIT!

Introduction: (or what this post is all about).

Alias Jeannie Delaney, my epic western trilogy, follows the life of devastating and charismatic pants-wearing cowgirl Jeannie Morgan, who's the fastest gun in the west and a magnificent lover to both men and women. This is her journey to find her true self on the wild frontier throughout deadly confrontations and personal tragedies. Will Jeannie find happiness or will her tomboy beauty, powerful persona and lethal gun ultimately be the death of her? Read the story and find out!

Available in E-book & paperback on Amazon.

If I'd had depression and anxiety in the dim and distant past I would have been deposited into an asylum, made to take freezing baths or chucked off a cliff and, if I survived that, the shock was supposed to cure me. Then you were chained to a bed and local tourists were charged to gawp at you and have a laugh.

BETHLAM - MENTAL ASYLUM 200 YEARS AGO

Thank gawd I live now. People who suffer from depression - creatives like me are prone - are treated nicely in comparison. Not 'Pull yourself together (like a pair of curtains).' Or 'You should be grateful. So many people are far worse off than you.' (Gee - thanks). No, today you're given a nice cup of tea and a chat. Might not cure you on the spot but at least it's a start.

People don't always understand, and you can't blame them if they've never had it, but at least they're kinder about it. My black humored parents were the wartime generation when 'pull yourself together' was the mantra, so I'm not blaming them entirely. My dear mum barely suffered a thing: 'Don't know what a headache feels like and I've never taken an aspirin.' Bully for her, I could think, but that would be mean. Sadly they, along with my two older black humored brothers, didn't have the foggiest how to treat their ultra creative, super sensitive artist/writer daughter/sister.

Out of all this I can only relate that working on a novel which would ultimately become a trilogy the length of Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace was just a tad bonkers, but, in my head, Alias Jeannie Delaney had to be written, had to be published and had to be sent out into the world for everyone to know her.

I grew very excited and emotional over writing portions of it - that's got to be saying something - as well as being highly embarrassed when Jeannie turned out to be bisexual. I wasn't writing a children's story about fluffy bunnies, which I suspect intrigued family and friends assumed I was doing. Oh, no, I told them, it's the life story of a Calamity Jane character. Lots of violence and blood as per a traditional western. Plus sex. Not something my dear ol' folks would read. But most folk, if they haven't been living under a rock all their lives, have heard of Calamity Jane.

My protagonist Jeannie is nothing like Calamity Jane in both the looks and personality department. Jeannie is androgynous beautiful in a tomboy fashion and her magnetic charisma stretches from clapboard wall to clapboard wall. She's been in my head since I was a teenager during the late sixties, after watching westerns featuring women in lack lustre roles, let alone the fastest gun. She remained in my head and wouldn't bugger off. 'Write me. Write me.' She kept demanding in her sexy low- toned western drawl. Bugger off, I responded. No, I didn't. I wanted - no, needed - to write her story. Initially I created illustrations of her alongside daydreaming her story. When I finally plucked up the courage to show them to hubby, he loved them! Quelle relief!

ONE OF MY EARLIEST DRAWINGS

INSPIRED BY YUL BRYNNER'S
WESTWORLD

Soulmate hubby finally chained me to a typewriter (pre-computers) and told me to get on with the story dammit. So strongly was the need to write that I typed one-handed while I bottle fed our new daughter with my free hand. Can you imagine?

Thirty-plus intermediate years since have been a tumultuous time working on the trilogy. I've had to emphasise many times that I wasn't working on it continuously. Good grief no! That would have been bonkers and mad. There were long gaps between writing, and it wasn't until pre-pandemic that I decided it was time to concentrate on actually finishing it, with hubby's magnificent help. I had wanted perfection. Humour. Class. Can you have all three? Honestly?

I suffered mentally for much of that time, my mentality yo-yoing

up and down like a cowboys's suspender less pants. Not fun. I would love to reap the enjoyment of publishing two novels in a trilogy that has proved to be hugely enjoyable by those who took a chance on them! Thank you so much, lovely readers. So, yes - I have accrued over eight hundred readers. I have five star ratings and reviews. I should be happy. That dreaded 'should'. No such thing as 'should'.

Jeannie is so real to me (she is real, ain't she?), and she makes me so emotional. Various pieces of music remind me of her. Proves how much of a character she is. Am I allowed to say that, being her creator? Another odd thing about my 'issue', as it were, is my desperation to 'get Jeannie out there' and for folks to see her as I do. Devastating. Dramatic. Funny. No quarters barred. Sometimes kind and gentle with animals and the right folks. Magnificent lover. Well, she's out there, and some folk may see her as I do. Who knows?

My art went wayside while writing, but I'm back to a degree, creating marketing material on Canva, and working on illustrations of a certain hero-ine. I also want to chuck paint at walls and create abstracts.

When Alias Jeannie Delaney Books 1 and 2 were published, we hoped that my gremlins would be laid to rest. But no. Damn. Some days I was good, others I wasn't. I've been on various antidepressants ever since my kids were born, but the other day the doctor suggested I change the dosage. I do feel better as I type, but I would love to enjoy the process of marketing Jeannie and appreciate the results. Wouldn't that be fab?

I'm working on Book 3 and that's a challenge. It'll be published next year. So, No 1 New York Best Seller? Booker Prize? Who's gonna play Jeannie in the film? Sharon Stone in The Quick & The Dead? She's my closest role model. I can dream, can't I?