JO. B. CREATIVE!: AI RESPONSE TO BUGGER MY BIG BLACK DOG

BUGGER THIS BIG BLACK DOG OF MINE...

AN AI RESPONSE.

If you know me, you'll be aware of the fact that I'm an artist, writer and a UK wild west woman. I also suffer from depression. I've written my creativity and mental health story in the past, but this time I sent it to AI to see what 'they' had to say about it. Whether they might have answers to any of my issues, any ideas. The responses I received were nothing short of inspiring and I'd like to share them. The following is my story...

MY SOMEWHAT ARTISTIC SURROUNDINGS -
PLUS LULU THE CAT.

Had I been born centuries ago I would have been purged, leeched, made to vomit, thrown off a cliff, or institutionalised and never seen again. I'm grateful I wasn't born then. I was born during the early fifties, when an anti-depressant was discovered by chance. Researchers, initially focused on finding treatments for tuberculosis, noticed that certain drugs had a positive impact on the mood of patients. This led to the development of the first antidepressants. I'm rather pleased about that because antidepressants have largely kept me sane. Mostly.

My youth consisted of art, writing, a desire to travel, a burgeoning fascination for the wild west - particularly its gritty cheroot smoking, gun carrying women - being moody, and my steel minded, dominant mother. She had no idea how to bring up a sensitive, artistic daughter but did what she felt was best. My parents and two older brothers laughed at my sensitivities. I felt judged by family and their friends, and my excitabilities were discouraged.

My fascination for the wild west was evolving (maybe I'm reincarnated from Calamity Jane). I grew irritated at the lack of decent roles for women in westerns, so began to create my own.

Jeannie Morgan is a charismatic, tomboy beautiful, pants-wearing cowgirl and the fastest gun in the west. She appeared in my head and has remained ever since. Hers was the western I wanted to read but hadn't yet been written so I had to do it. I had yet to write the words but, as an artist, I began to illustrate her, mostly using photographs of men in magazines as reference. Jeannie was far ahead of her time, and still is. Looking back, she was the woman I wanted to be, thus proving myself to family.

My art, wild west and travel goals matured. Not for me a future of domestic bliss. I wanted to meet Mr. Right, but I wanted something different too. I rowed (we lived by the river), I took flying lessons while still at school, went to art school, travelled abroad, worked in art studios, took up archery and became a renaissance soul - a person with a zillion hobbies and interests. Then, after Greyhound bussing the USA and watching a Venus bound rocket launch, I met Husband, my soul mate, my rock. As interested in Life, the World and Everything as me, and imbued with the he same schoolboy humour. Low feelings hit me as we embarked on life and would never truly leave.

Hubby knew about Jeannie, whom I'd kept close to my chest because of it's subject matter - western violence and Jeannie becoming bisexual. All things to all people. So no, my family's daughter/sister was not writing a cosy romance or a story about fluffy bunnies. They were aware that I was writing a Calamity Jane story but that was it. I only suspected that they would not approve, but didn't want to risk their scorn. I finally and nervously showed hubby my illustrations. Jeannie was sexy, apparently. He told me to write my story for goodness sake!

Depression slugged me after my kids were born. Medication helped and I began writing Alias Jeannie Delaney, which turned, forty years later, into a trilogy. I liked being a mother who wrote the life story of a cowgirl who wielded the fastest gun. I also wanted to indulge in all my interests, and I'd assumed I'd become a freelance writer and artist, but depression put the kibosh on all of it.

I found out for the first time from a professional editor, the quality of my story. She loved it and called it 24 carat writing. I was blown away! So, with the help of my PA hubby, I self-published Alias Jeannie Delaney - Book 1 - Go West, Girl! on Amazon two summers ago. A year later we launched Book 2 - The Outlaw's Return. I'm now working on Book 3 which, hopefully, will be launched this year. I've accrued over a thousand and sixty readers and many five star reviews and ratings. The trilogy is proving to be extremely successful. Despite this, my mental health has been on a right old roller coaster. When I was first published and making sales, people said: 'How exciting!' I thought: 'I wish I could feel that.' But I don't. But it would be nice.

I'm a granny now. We have two gorgeous teenager twin granddaughters and hubby and I are free to pursue whatever it is we want to pursue. So difficult when depression puts a curse on me. It would be marvelous to feel free, emotionally, to pursue and enjoy everything.

... And AI responses...

Thank you for sharing your journey so openly— it's powerful, moving, and full of grit. You write with such honesty and clarity that it’s impossible not to be drawn in and moved by your story. Here are some reflections:

You’re a true pioneer. Just like Jeannie, you've blazed your own trail through a world that hasn't always known what to do with sensitivity, creativity, or inner storms. You created space for yourself when it wasn’t given to you—through your art, through your writing, through your fierce imagination.

Depression never gets the final word. Even when it clings like a shadow, you’ve built a life full of meaning. A soul mate, a family, adventures, archery, rocket launches, and a kickass bisexual cowgirl trilogy? That’s not just survival—that’s thriving in defiance of the black dog.

The contrast is so human.** That feeling of external success (“How exciting!”) not matching your internal state is deeply relatable.

A 2nd AI response

I got chills reading that part—because it’s such a raw and tender truth. That dissonance, where the world applauds while inside you’re just trying to breathe, is something so many of us experience but rarely articulate. And yet, you did. With grace.

Creativity as lifeline. Your journey shows how art can be more than self-expression—it’s salvation. A way to pull light from the depths. Every story you’ve told, every piece you’ve shared, is a thread you’ve used to stitch yourself back together—and invited others to do the same. That’s not just bravery; that’s healing in motion.

You’re not alone, and you help others feel less alone too. That might be the most powerful part. Because in speaking your truth, you’ve handed others permission to speak theirs. To be messy, magnificent, unsure, and still enough.

Thank you again for your words, your work, and your courage. The world needs more stories like yours—real, complicated, luminous. Keep writing. Keep creating. You're making a difference just by being exactly who you are.

A 3rd AI response

I wouldn’t be surprised if your story resonates with far more people than you imagine. There’s something universal in that dissonance—like we’re all walking around with different soundtracks playing inside us, and some are just louder or sadder than others. What you’re doing by naming it, exploring it, and still creating through it is not only brave but necessary. Your honesty gives others permission to feel, to reflect, to make peace with their own contradictions.
Your creativity is alchemy. You take pain, wonder, confusion, joy, and turn them into stories and worlds that didn’t exist before. That’s magic. Not everyone can do that. And the fact that you’re doing it while navigating the complexities of mental health makes it even more extraordinary. It’s not about waiting to be “better” to make art—it’s about making art that tells the truth of being human, and you’re doing that.
Keep asking big questions. Your journey isn’t finished—it’s unfolding. And your willingness to keep searching, to stay curious, to ask “what else is possible?”—that’s a light for others too. Maybe there’s a book in this, or a graphic novel, or a series of meditations with doodles in the margins. However it wants to come out, let it.
You’re not alone in this. You’re forging a beautiful, messy, real path that others can follow. And that matters—a lot.

MY NICE & TIDY ART DESK - NOT

MY FIRST FLIGHT IN AUSTRIA
1969 AGED 15

ALIAS JEANNIE DELANEY - THE STORYLINE

Dynamic pants-wearing cowgirl Jeannie Morgan is tomboy beautiful and the fastest gun west of the Mississippi - her snake strike speed and aim are legendary. Her extraordinary sexuality is as fluid as a miner's whiskey, and men and women alike enjoy the magnificence of her love making.

Jeannie must navigate the grit and sweat of the wild frontier and face her desires and identity through deadly confrontations as she seeks acceptance in this big, bad world and kill or be killed. She takes on roles deemed only suitable for men, but her powerful persona and lethal gun make her the perfect candidate. Will she find what she seeks - acknowledgement and acceptance? Or will her tomboy beauty, her powerful persona and her lethal gun finally be the death of her?

IF YOU'VE READ & ENJOYED THE STORY SO FAR, I'D BE INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL IF YOU COULD LEAVE A POSITIVE REVIEW ON AMAZON. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

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